Hello universe, it's me, Sayle*

*Sayle Smith is a pseudonym; I guess that’s pretty obvious. I feel like it’s a necessity if this exercise is to work.

The basics. I’m a 21-year-old student living in Melbourne Australia. I have social anxiety. The fact that I am socially anxious is also the very thing that makes it hard to get help. I don’t know if blogging here will help, but I’m really at a loose end right now. This is a space for me to vent, chew things over, and maybe meet people in a similar situation.

I’ve suffered from SA for years. It’s hard to say when it began. I was a shy kid, then an awkward teen. I only discovered that social anxiety even existed about two years ago, just after I stared university. I typed the word ‘shyness’ into Google and, viola, there it was: like a missing puzzle piece, if I may be so clichéd. Since then I’ve seen a psychologist (although I’m not at the moment), suffered a bout of mild depression, and for six months was on anti-depressants.

At the moment I’m doing better than I was. I have a job, I’ve managed to pass all my classes thus far, and I don’t spend every minute of the day berating myself. But I’m still struggling. Dealing with people is a battle: I’m not great at small talk and I’m worse at making friends. I really don’t have anyone to talk to at this point. I feel like this is a now or never moment. In a year I’ll graduate, and go out into the world, and there are so many things I want to do, things that I know SA is going to get in the way of.

I’m going to work through all that shit here. I hope this won’t descend too far into narcissistic naval-grazing self-pitying poor-me-ing, but I can promise nothing.